The executive who ordered that this mixtape be made is the only thing squarer than a Wendy’s hamburger.
I like Wendy’s. It’s definitely a top-tier fast food chain: some of the best nuggets in the game, above-average fries, quality burgers, and the Frosty are all some grand delights. But, in case their food wasn’t enough to convince you to like Wendy’s, the chain feels the need to adopt this weird “edgy” fast-food demeanor.
Welcome to 2018.
I’m sure most of you have seen the…”savage”… tweets that the Wendy’s account has dished out over the years. And while most of them are as benign as all hell, people still feel the need to hype up the Wendy’s account as cutting edge and unique. Keep in mind, this is a burger joint we’re talking about here. So, in order to preserve this commercially appealing, often viral-tweet producing image, Wendy’s decided to commission a mixtape.
A hip-hop mixtape: with actual bars, beats, and production. And I decided to listen to it and talk about it.
The mixtape is called We Beefin?, and it’s listed as being by the artist “At Wendys.” I sincerely hope whoever this performer may have been was given credit in some form or fashion, and I sure as hell ain’t investigating who the rapper actually is for myself. The mixtape has five tracks, spanning a length of just under 11 minutes. Some simple math will show us that each track averages just over two minutes in length. And, apparently, they still had to give us some filler because several of these tracks (namely, “Twitter Fingers” and “4 For 4$”) have lengthy instrumental intros and outros. I guess that two minute per song quota was just too hard to satisfy.
The lyrics are exactly what you’d expect: multitudinous food-related puns, vague shots at McDonald’s and Burger King, generic beats, and bland vocal delivery. Granted, I don’t think this rapper, whoever she actually is, ever expected to be rapping about Wendy’s, so I can forgive her for not whipping out her highest-quality bars for We Beefin?
Even the shots they take at opposing fast food chains aren’t funny. Take, for example, this lyric from “Rest In Grease”: “Why yo ice cream machine always broke?” For one thing, that joke has been played out for years at this point. Secondly, is McDonalds’ ice cream machine really broken that often? I mean, it’s not like Taco Bell’s freeze machine where every other visit you can’t get a damn freeze.
The main complaint I have with this mixtape, besides the fact that it’s a blatant attempt by a massive corporation to appear to be “cool,” is the lame production and repetitive nature of the songs. The beats are as bland as unsalted French fries, the lyrics are as uninspired as a plain baked potato, and the lack of effort is as unsatisfying as a burnt hamburger.
However, there were a few bars that did make me laugh. From “Holding it Down”: “I’m Socrates cause all your ideas just come from me. They love Wendy’s cause everything is so quality.” Unfortunately, this same song tries to rhyme “now” with “principal,” which is more than a stretch.
From “Rest in Grease”: “Boy, we tried your food, where the flavor at?” and “That Baconator go crazy, that spicy chicken go crazy. You can take a fry and dip it in the sauce, it still be so tasty.” Unfortunately, yet again, Wendy refers to herself as “fast food’s first lady” in this song, even though Dairy Queen predated Wendy’s by 29 years. Ugh, who cares?
That’s another confusing thing about We Beefin?, is this lady rapping supposed to be Wendy? I guess it is, as the opening lyrics to “Rest in Grease” state: “Red head with some pig tails.” But wasn’t the real Wendy featured in some ads a few years ago?
She’s the one spitting the bars, confirmed.
Overall, if you want to listen to We Beefin? for novelty’s sake, I guess I can recommend it. I mean, it’s only eleven minutes long, and some of the bars elicit a chuckle, even if the whole package is less than satisfactory. I give We Beefin? a 4 out of 10: silly, stupid, sometimes a little bit comical, but mostly bland, generic, and soulless. While listening to it once wasn’t the worst thing ever, I certainly wouldn’t pay any money for this shit. Even if the deal was as good as a 4 for 4$.
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