(Based on a true story)
This was the first time I have encountered him in months since I got back to being healthy. I thought he had gotten the best of me, but my body decided it wanted to go another round with this beast. It seems like an unwinnable fight, but I keep on fighting and clawing.
He whispers in my ear, “Do it.”
Some nights he does not haunt me. Other nights he never leaves me alone. Though he doesn’t show his face often, I try to catch glimpses time to time. I have many questions for him, but I am nervous to hear his response. What are these thoughts running through my head over and over again?
From time to time, he follows me around all day, but most the time, he just sits in the darkness of my empty, cold, damp room as my brain runs a thousand miles a minute. He knows that I am afraid of being alone with him because he takes control of my thoughts. The urges are back, and he takes advantage of it. I never thought I would be this guy until the numerous thoughts and visions that he has lodged into my head showed me otherwise.
I don’t think I am crazy because I can see his shadowy figure hovering over me as I lay in bed. He wants me to remember what it feels like, he wants me to go back to being that person.
* * * * *
Here I am standing beside myself watching as I heat the light brown powder until it turns into liquid. The brown powder reminds me of my mom’s gorgeous brown eyes that twinkle like a star in the distance. I watch myself grab the half-cut workout band and wrap it around my right bicep. I drew up the sweet liquid as if I was about to give myself a shot. I stick the needle in the veins that protrude from my bicep and inject the drug into my arm. I look over and see him standing in the darkest corner of my room.
Am I dreaming? I think to myself.
I wish it was all a dream. Time to time he haunts my dreams and makes me do things that will hurt me. He knows my weakness.
“Why are you here? Why are you tormenting me?” I asked him.
Brushing off the question like he didn’t hear it; he whispers in my ear and says, “You will be mine. You are no different than the others that have become mine in the past.”
“Do it” he sharply whispers as if it was a demand.
“I don’t want to do this. This is not who I am. I have changed. I want to be better, I am better.” I say in a shaky voice.
“DO IT,” he said sternly.
My hands shaking rapidly, I tried to look at him but my body was frozen with fear.
“No! Stop! I do not want to do this anymore. I don’t want to cause any more pain to me and my family.”
“The pain will only be temporary” he whispered to me.
In reality, he wants me to hurt, he wants me to weaken my body so he will be able to take it over like he has tried in the past. Are the thoughts in my head making me believe I deserve this?
“Is this what you want from me?”
He swipes the pen off the night stand and forces it upon me.
I yell again “Is this what you want from me?”
“Do it!” He screams.
To be continued…..