In 2014, it was announced that the website Yahoo was hacked, and that many users’ information was out in the dark web. As one would probably guess, emails were included in that breach, and no one was safe. It turns out that several emails were sent to Penguin Random House pitching a sequel to Ready Player One. However, it doesn’t appear they were sent from the original’s author, Ernest Cline. This was just some guy pitching his idea. Regardless, I have been authorized by the powers that be to release this to the public. Please enjoy.
“I got out of my Boatmobile and headed inside to the Krusty Krab. I didn’t think any other restaurant could ever be as good as Pizza Planet, but the Krusty Krab’s Krabby Patty proved me wrong about that. I once showed another avatar, modeled after a character from Kingdom Hearts, the burger, and they said they loved it more than Kairi. Doug Funnie also loved the Krabby Patty, but Patty Mayonnaise wasn’t as impressed. She preferred the malts from the Candy Bar in Retroville. Regardless, I pressed on.
“Squidward was at the register as always, and avatars that looked like Bloo and Mr. Moseby were eating together. I didn’t expect those two characters to know each other. I ordered a Krabby Patty, and I saw SpongeBob cooking in the back. He is yellow. Sly Cooper was outside running away from Anton Chigurh, since Sly had a treasure Anton wanted. Also in the distance, the Philly Phanatic was messing around with the guy from “The Amanda Show” who got prank called every day. He was throwing hot dogs at him. I like hot dogs.
“I got my patty and I sat down. Mr. Moseby was talking about the politics at the Tipton Hotel, but Bloo clearly wasn’t paying attention. All of a sudden, Soap MacTavish walked into the Krusty Krab and everyone stood up and starting clapping as Mr. Krabs came out with a radio and played “Happy” by Pharrell Williams to get everyone in a good mood to welcome the SAS Veteran. Then avatars modeled after Garfield and Deadpool walked in craving lasagna. Deadpool is so wacky, and so is Garfield. My Krabby Patty was good, but now it was time to meet up with another mystery avatar in the OASIS.
“The thing with the OASIS is that you can be anything you want to be. Here in the 2040s, life sucks. We don’t have fun here, so the virtual world allowing us to live with stuff that those in the past enjoyed makes us happy. Just walking down the street in here is a sight to behold. So many of my favorite characters are here! Wow! Anton has caught up to Sly and killed him. R.I.P. I made it to the spot where the mystery avatar told me to meet him or her. It looked like something out of Fortnite, what with all the green. A half-hour passed, and I was worried that they wouldn’t show up.
“Then the Chef Boyardee can rolled up to me. Then another one. Then another one.
“Of course! My grandpa told me about a commercial where a little girl wants some Chef Boyardee ravioli at the grocery store. Her mom tells her no, but the can miraculously follows their car home. This avatar sounds like epic sauce. I opened the cans with my convenient utility gun that I had, modeled after Batman’s utility belt complete with a Game of Thrones keychain I earned by beating up some White Walkers. The first two cans were empty, but the third can contained a copy of Super Mario 64 and told me to play it. I went to the nearby Pokemon Center and miraculously there was a Nintendo 64 inside, and I put the game in.
“The game started, but… it was very strange. It was Super Mario 64, but after I started a new game, out from the green pipe popped Sonic the Hedgehog. It looked too much like his model from the 1999 Sega Dreamcast video game Sonic Adventure to be a simple mod. Clearly, this avatar is trying to tell me to meet him or her at Green Hill Zone, as my experience with mystery avatars has taught me. I knew what I had to do. The fate of the world was at stake. I knew it, even though there was no eminent danger at hand. I had to make my way there now.
“I made it to Green Hill, only to find a message in a bottle:
“ ‘Hello Clive, I was looking for a Minecraft creeper, and I would have kept going, but then I took an arrow to the knee. I would like you to keep looking instead of I.
P.S., the cake is a lie. ‘
“A… creeper? Why would they be in Green Hill Zone? And why would he take an arrow to the knee if this was the world of Sonic the Hedgehog? Did the OASIS glitch out? Everyone’s love of nostalgic properties manifesting itself into a virtual world could result in that world glitching, so that’s not out of the question. And I remembered my grandpa having a John Smoltz baseball card, so is this avatar a fan? My grandpa wanted a pack of Garbage Pail Kids, but they didn’t have any, so he settled for baseball cards. I walked in the zone, hitting a boost to go through several loops. I almost lost my Game of Thrones keychain, but I managed to catch it at the last possible second. Then, the terrain changed.
“The ground had visible blades of grass before, but now the grass just looked like a green collage of pixels. I was wondering if I stumbled into a glitched world, but I soon realized it was Minecraft land. Then, off in the distance, I saw a creeper. They really were real! Wow! I love creepers!
“But John_Smoltz wanted me to find one. Did he want to kill it? Did he not like Minecraft? Did he want to send it to [PLACEHOLDER, INSERT A FICTIONAL WORLD HERE LATER]? Why? That wouldn’t be a cool crossover! The creeper approached me, and I got scared. He got closer, and I got scarder. I remembered how Shaggy and Scooby-Doo from Scooby-Doo would run when scared, and got encouraged to stay where I was. I got a grappling gun out of my utility belt and fired at it, grappling it in the process. I dragged it back to Green Hill Zone, only to see Han Solo, with an arrow in his knee, and Chewbacca. The Han avatar was named after a baseball player, but he was a Star Wars character. Small world, huh? John_Smoltz and the Chewie avatar were weirdly happy to see the creeper; I figured they were Roblox fans! The world was saved, and I could rest easy now.”